Comment devenir un mauvais perdant!.

Je n'ai pas eu le courage de le traduire mais cela vaut le coup,d'etre lu.
En postant cela,je ne vise personne!.

"How to become a bad loser" step by step

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"How to become a bad loser" step by step by Astrid Giercksky
Published in Norfolk Terrier News - Spring 2012

This is hilarious

If your dogs do not win as much as you think they should - you have two choices:
1. You can concentrate on improving your dogs, or - if you find this too hard, you can
2. Look for excuses why they don't win enough - which is by far the easy way out.

If you choose the latter option, you will also learn how to become a bad looser, step by step:
1. The most important rule to remember is never to congratulate the winner of the class. If you ever feel that you have to, do not try to produce a smile. Unless you have practised at home, it's not going to look real. The best thing to do, is just to walk out of the ring, with an "Oh my God" expression on your face, before anyone - including the ring steward - get a chance to see your placement.
2. As there is only one winner, and many losers, you will find yourself in good company as soon as you get out of the ring. These will make wonderful listeners, so take this opportunity to convince them, and yourself, that the judge was probably a friend of the winner's. In other words, the decision was corrupt. The word corrupt is willingly adopted by people who are looking for excuses.
3. If the dogs of the same people beat your dogs again and again, it's time to slightly change the excuses. Now, tell yourself and the other losers that they win only because they are famous. Ignore the fact that they may have become famous for a reason, for instance for having the best dogs.
4. Another good excuse for constantly losing, is to let people know that you find health and temperament more important than exterior, when breeding. In other words, you are a more serious breeder than the winner. Serious is another good word. It creates a lot of credibility.
5. The more the dogs of your competitors win - the better reason you have to be suspicious. Tell people that the top winner has most probably been dyed, is wearing switches, is drugged or has had several tooth and testicle implants. Choose one, not all.
6. If you feel that the above arguments are fading, you can always move on to the more hidden faults. If you think carefully, surely you will have heard rumours that the top-winner has left a problem in at least one of his offspring. You have a wide range to choose from: try PRA, HD, patella, epilepsy or leg-perches disease. Once the rumour is out and about, the damage is done.
7. To change the subject slightly, you can excuse your loss by blaming the owner of the winner for walking his dog too close to yours and thereby disturbing it. This will win you a great deal of sympathy.
8. Another good excuse is that the winning dog is "made-up" by the groomer and the handler. Whether or not you have touched the dog, just tell people that underneath that fantastic coat and behind that flashy picture seen in the ring - hides a total wreck.
9. If everything should fail, you have a final devastating card on your hands: the private lives of those who win. If you try hard enough you can probably dig up something which makes a story. Look for a divorce, and affair - hopefully including a person within the breed, or some financial problem. If you really can't find anything, start to watch their eating and drinking habits. Then when you add some of your own spice to the story, you will find that most people will eat the dish with great appetite.
When and if you do win a class, make sure you win in the style you lose. Tell everybody that finally there was an honest judge, who looked at the dog - not the handler.

très drole

on pourrait même dire : on s'y croirait